7 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Less Self-Conscious In Bed

If you give her what she needs, trust us— she'll return the favor

Let's get one thing straight: Missionary sex is awesome. There’s something satisfying and comforting about relying on a position that you've done a thousand times before. But for many of us out there, there are a million things we want to do in bed that we just haven't yet. Maybe you want to do it on the kitchen counter, or maybe you have a secret spanking fetish that you’re just itching to try out. But if your girlfriend's sexual tastes tend to skew more vanilla than Chunky Monkey, it might be hard to approach this topic, lest you insult her or, even worse, scare her away.
If you’re looking to up the ante between the sheets, here are a few tips on how to spice it up to suit your tastes, while at the same time making sure she feels safe and comfortable.
1) Make her feel sexy.
It might go without saying, but let’s say it anyway. If you want your lady to do sexy things, you have to make her feel sexy. Chances are you already feel like she's incredibly sexy, but a little compliment goes a long way. The sexier and more empowered she feels, the more likely she’ll be confident enough to try new things. (And for tips on what you actually should be trying, check out 7 things women wish you knew about sex.)
“Compliment her butt, her breasts, her hair, her eyes — all of the specific areas of her body you love. Of course she is so much more than her glorious body parts, but if you want more adventurous sex, keep the talk unabashedly sexy,” says Holly Richmond, somatic psychologist.
2) Pace yourself.
Jumping right in and telling your girlfriend you’re super interested in trying butt stuff will almost certainly scare her off. If your girlfriend is used to vanilla sex, or has expressed shyness in trying new things, you can’t push her into the deep end without a life jacket. The more confident she feels at each level, the more likely it is that you’ll get to whatever glorious new sex tip or couples' sex toy you'd like to try.
“Go slow and communicate with your partner about what you both are thinking, feeling, and doing. It is essential that you both have open dialogue as any new sexual activity is put on the table,” says Daniel Lebowitz, a sex therapist with The Intimacy Institute. “I oftentimes recommend that a couple talk about a fantasy of theirs, playing it out verbally before trying to make it happen in real life. That way, you can find any roadblocks or topics of discomfort before they actually happen. Concern for your partner and the relationship are indispensable to building trust and safety when exploring sexually.”
3) Tell her what you already like (emphatically).
There’s a chance that if you suggest new moves in the bedroom, your girlfriend might take it to mean that you aren’t satisfied with what you are already doing. Even if that is true, you don’t want to insult her or give her more reasons to be insecure. Complimenting the things about your sex life that you do enjoy will help to open the door for suggestions on how to improve or introduce new ideas, which you can also get from our course on how to have better sex.
“For men who want to be more adventurous, I'd encourage them to open a conversation with their partner about their sex lives. Tell their partner what they like about sex together, for example, starting with something like ‘I can't stop thinking about that thing you did with your tongue the other night!’, and then lead into a conversation about something they'd like to try,” says Debby Herbenick, professor at Indiana University School of Public Health. “Or they could simply say to their partner how much they like or love them (whichever is true), how much they enjoy sex together, and that they've been thinking about new things they'd like to try.”
4) Be specific.
It’s noble to speak up about what you want. But telling your girlfriend that you’d like to be more adventurous in the bedroom is a tad vague, especially for someone who is shy about trying new things. Telling her you like dirty talk is great, but if she’s never done it before she might not know where to begin. Give her specific keywords, for example, that you like to hear to help get her talking. Ask her questions to help guide her. Suggest watching porn together. Ask her if she wants to try introducing sex toys. And when she takes the lead, let her run with it. This should be a give and take.
“Leave open-ended ideas she can explore on her own. There are dozens of books on how to spice things up,” says Emily DeAyala, an AASECT (The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified sex therapist. “One of my personal favorites is 101 Nights of Great Sex. The pages are sealed 'for her' and 'for him' so that each partner can take turns surprising each other with something new. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know. Encourage her to get ideas from books like this. This will help her feel more in control.”
5) Enter her Fantasyland
Granted upping the level of adventure in the bedroom is probably about your own personal desires, but if you allow your girlfriend to share her desires, it ups the level of intimacy, trust, and comfort. It's quite literally tit for tat. Encourage your girlfriend to share what turns her on. Coming through for her on her wishes and desires will fill her with confidence and desire to return the favor.
“He might begin the conversation with fantasies. When she masturbates, what does she think about? What turns her on? If she likes porn, what type of porn interests her. Here, he needs to be secure enough in himself that he might learn that what she likes isn't what he can provide,” says Tom Murray, a certified sex therapist and family/marriage therapist. “Nevertheless, fantasies are just that, fantasies. Fantasies may never be realized, nor should they, necessarily. This just begins the conversation and lays the groundwork for exploration.”
6) Talk about your insecurities.
In other words, level the playing field. Being naked, showing your bits, having your bits touch someone else’s bits...it’s fraught with anxiety and insecurity. If your girlfriend is shy in the bedroom, it would greatly help her to know what you feel shy about as well. We all have our insecurities (yes, even you, you sexual stallion, you), and if she knew a few of yours, it might help her to see you as someone she can easily relate to in the sexual realm.
“Although men oftentimes act like they are fine with their body image, the long line of men walking in the door to my office speaking about their struggles with feeling feeling unattractive and unable to measure up in some way would indicate otherwise,” says Lebowitz. “When you share your insecurities, they no longer hold the same power over you and it models how your partner can speak about them to you and mutual support and reassurance can be part of the relationship.”
7) No always means no.
Just because you ask, doesn’t mean she has to say yes. And if she says no, you either have to be OK with that, or you might have to reconsider if this is the right relationship for you. No one should be made to feel uncomfortable in a relationship, especially in the bedroom. Your happiness is just as important as hers, and if neither of you is getting what you want, it might be time to move on. But typically where there is communication, openness, honesty, and trust, mind-blowing sex tends to follow. So don't be shy about asking. You both might be surprised at all the doors that open.

Why 5 Women Cheated On Their Husbands—and How to Avoid the Same Fate

If your relationship is teetering, it might not take much to push her into another bed

The Ashley Madison hack last summer gave men a false sense of security. Once the curtain was pulled back, it very much appeared that millions of men were chasing, like, one willing woman.
How so?
The hack exposed millions of email addresses, most of which reportedly belonged to men.
And the hot women they were anxiously chatting with? Many may have been fictional personas created by the company.
(According to the British tabloid Daily Mail, 40,000 women on the site shared the same six email addresses. Ashley Madison denied the claim.)
But don’t let your guard down.
Of course women cheat—19 percent of them, says Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher. They just may not cheat for the same reasons you do. And they’re not dumb enough to put personal info on the world’s largest cheating website.
If your relationship is already faltering, here are five reasons she could end up in another man’s bed.
Why She Cheats: Her Age
Marsha, a paralegal in Boston, was everything a man could want in a wife: She was beautiful, intelligent, and funny, not to mention limber because of her devotion to yoga.
But then, as her 40th birthday drew near, she slept with her instructor.
“She felt her looks were fading,” says marriage therapist Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D. “The affair made her feel more desirable.”
Yes, fine, but every year millions of people get older without getting busy with the teacher after yoga class. So why is Marsha any different?
One theory: A 2014 study suggests we subconsciously attach significance to “nine-ender” years.
When we’re a year away from the odometer rolling over, we become more aware of the passage of time and youth, and we may do stupid things because we think the clock is running out.
What to Do About It
Fill up your calendar. Reflecting on what we have or haven’t achieved over the past decade can lead to bleak thoughts, says quality-of-life researcher Michael Steger, Ph.D.
So, be the man who makes things happen.
“If travel is important, you might plan a birthday trip that satisfies shared goals—like Hawaii if you’ve both wanted to try hiking a volcano.”
Bonus: When her mind’s on molten lava, the last thing she’ll be thinking about is her yoga instructor.
Why She Cheats: The Money
Emily, 35, had every reason to be furious with her husband. After she’d made a few too many purchases on her debit card, he cut up the plastic in front of her in a humiliating power play.
“I had to tell him where I was going and he would give me a spending limit,” she says.
The nice way to describe this: He was trying his best to keep the budget in check—and stepped about five miles over the line.
Problem is, exerting too much financial control, especially when you do it like a condescending jerk, breeds major-league resentment and can push your partner to seek payback, Hokemeyer says.
And that’s exactly what Emily did.
“A few months after that incident,” she says, “I slept with my high school boyfriend.”
What to Do About It
Don’t seize control or point fingers.
Instead, share the financial responsibility by using a budgeting app like Mint, which notifies both of you as spending limits draw near.
This way you’re both accountable for the money going into and coming out of your account.
Why She Cheats: She’s Expecting a Prince
You would hope your wife understands that perfect men don’t exist.
But then there’s “Kyle.”
He writes poems and sends flowers, and he seems so sensitive.
Guys like Kyle make women like Sarah, a 30-year-old dentist in North Carolina, second-guess their marriages.
When people expect perfection in a partner, it usually sets them up for long-term disappointment. That nugget of obvious wisdom came from a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
“He made my husband pale in comparison,” Sarah says. “I slept with him because I was convinced he could fill the voids in my life.”
Well, Kyle filled at least one of those voids, and shortly thereafter, Sarah and her husband landed in divorce court.
What to Do About It
You can’t be everything she wants, and you have to be okay with that—and so does she.
But you can become a little better than you are.
The next time you two are squabbling, try this trick: “Fights tend to take place in the past or in the present,” says Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing.
So switch to future tense instead.
“If you’re fighting about who makes dinner, say, ‘I’ll set up a cooking schedule if you’ll agree to eat eggs for dinner,’” he says.
You’ll never be Prince Charming, but at least you’re offering to cook the occasional omelet.
Why She Cheats: She Wants to Be Bad
When her marriage began to fray, Ali, a 25-year-old marketing assistant, found herself in bed with the kind of roughneck guy she’d always avoided.
“When I met him, it seemed inevitable that we’d have sex,” she says.
Whaaaat? Why do smart women consider jumping into bed with knuckle-dragging thugs? Researchers call this phenomenon the “ovulatory shift hypothesis.”
During peak fertility—when ovaries are primed to do the dirty mambo—a rational woman may find herself attracted to men she’d be terrified to see in a dark alley, says Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., the author of an upcoming book on dating and relationships.
It’s not necessarily her fault; it’s our old-school survival instincts.
Masculine genes increase the chances that kids will have a sturdy constitution to survive.
Worse, Mehta says, research shows that her impulse to stray becomes even stronger if you’re less physically attractive by conventional standards.
What to Do About It
Appeal to a more evolved instinct: her brain.
Strength isn’t just about brawn. Demonstrate that you’re educated, successful, self-reliant, and commitment-oriented.
Mehta suggests finding more modern ways to display your plumage. Try sharing experiences that show your strengths—the theater, a museum, a trail hike.
She might think twice about putting her relationship at further risk with a one-night stand.
Why She Cheats: She Just Wants More
Who doesn’t want to be the guy who can’t go out in public without his wife leaning over and whispering, “I’m not wearing panties. Let’s go see if we can find an empty closet.”
But sometimes, in the real world, crazy sex isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.
That’s how the trouble began for Lisa, a 31-year-old saleswoman. She wanted sex every night and her boyfriend didn’t.
“He only gave it to me once a week. What’d he expect?” she says of her stepping out.
Well, for starters, that you wouldn’t cheat on him. But when sexual expectations don’t match, it can quickly lead to trouble.
What to Do About It
The two biggest reasons women cheat, says sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., are that they feel undesired or unattractive, especially as they become older.
Sex is one way to fix it, but another is to appreciate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.
Don’t insult her with meaningless compliments. Listen to her and validate who she really is.

7 Places She Wants You to Kiss—Besides Her Lips

There’s a lot more to explore than just her mouth

Her luscious lips are hard to resist, but she can tire of make-out sessions.
“Women like kissing because it is an emotionally intimate act,” says Jill Weber, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy.
So if you want to get closer as a couple, get out of the habit of attacking her mouth and lay romantic lip caresses on her most sensitive areas. 
NAPE OF THE NECK
You know she likes you to start at her neck—there’s a certain vulnerability that drives her wild.
“Lift her hair if it’s long and kiss and gently nibble the area from the hairline right down to the collar bone. It’s sure to produce goose bumps every time,” says Jennifer Landa, M.D., and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women.
SMALL OF THE BACK
“This is where all the nerves for the genitals originate, so stimulation of the lower back with massage and kissing and nibbling is a great way to stimulate the area,” says Dr. Landa.It’s also why she loves it when you place your hand on the small of her back when you’re out together—it’s an intimate, sexy gesture that makes a woman feel hot without it seeming out of the ordinary, she says.
FOREHEAD
You may not find a sweeter spot for her emotions than here. “What woman doesn’t want to get a loving kiss from a man who loves her brain? It’s a huge self-confidence builder, a soother, and a make-her-legs-weak, strong-man move,” says Walsh.
It might not be the thing to do in the bedroom—you’ll want to focus on other areas at that point—but she’ll appreciate when you pull her close and plant one on her head after a long day at work.
FINGERS
Fingertips have a huge concentration of nerve endings, making them sensitive to anything from little pecks to a long suck.
“When you suck and lick her fingers, she gets an idea of your oral skills and pictures what it might be like when you lick and suck her more intimate areas,” says Dr. Landa.
NIPPLES
“Sucking on her nipples releases the hormone oxytocin, called ‘the love hormone,’ because it makes people feel more bonded,” says Landa. “The nipples seem to have a hotline to the genitals, and for some women nipple stimulation will send an impulse right to her clitoris.”
Don’t forget you can score points by showing some love to the rest of her breast, too. Know these five facts about her breasts as well.
EARS
Her ears may be quite sensitive to light licking and sucking because of all the supersensitive nerve endings there. “Most women are quite sensitive to auditory stimulation,” says Landa. “So while you suck her ear be sure to use the opportunity to whisper something about how attracted you are to her and what you’d like to do to her after you finish nibbling her lobes.”
You can also try pursing your lips and blowing cool air to counteract the hot breath from your whispers.
CLITORIS
Once you land here, you’ve reached the point of no return. “There are over 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone, compared to a man’s mere 4,000 in the penis,” says Christine Milrod, Ph.D.

Want to Be Happier? Take Your Clothes Off

Science says nudity could make you feel better about your body and your life

Ever let it all hang out on a nude beach? There’s a reason those people are all smiles: Being naked around other people might make you happier, according to a new study from Goldsmiths, University of London.
Researchers surveyed 849 people, and found that those who had spent time in the nude outdoors or with other people—sorry, your girlfriend or family doesn’t count—reported they were happier, felt better about their bodies, and had higher self-esteem than those who didn’t shed their clothes.
Then they did two more experiments, but this time they talked to people before and after they participated in an actual nudist event. The results were similar: Study participants reported improvements on those same wellbeing measures afterwards.
“What we found was a very good correlation, that generally, if you did these activities, the longer you did them and the more frequently you did them, the happier you were about all of these things,” explains study author Keon West, Ph.D., in a video produced by the university.
What’s more, seeing other people naked predicted a more positive body image than being seen naked by others, the study authors wrote. And no, it’s not because you get to stare at a bunch of butts.
According to one participant, seeing other people with “normal, not perfect” bodies helped ease the insecurities they felt toward their own.
So while more research needs to be done to confirm exactly why nudity could make us happier, the findings have the potential to help those with body image problems in the future, West explains.

How What You Say on a Date Makes You More Attractive

Intelligence and a good sense of humor can go a long way

When you’re getting ready for a date, you want to look perfect. The inner monologue doesn't stop running through your appearance: Is this shirt wrinkled? Is there anything in my teeth? The list goes on and on. It turns out, your looks aren't necessarily what make you the most attractive to the woman sitting across from you.
Recently, the dating app Plenty of Fish released the findings of Conversation Nation, the largest survey on the topic. More than 2,000 single participants whose ages ranged from 18 to 70 (Up to 70? Did sexagenarians really need to be included here?), and nine out of 10 people believed that a successful date hinged on good conversation.
The top reason conversation makes someone better looking? It’s way easier to be attracted to someone when you aren’t sitting in awkward silence or arguing about politics. Plus it gives you a chance to showcase three attributes women look for when choosing an ideal mate: intelligence, a sexy voice, and a good sense of humor.
Understandably, you’re less likely to find someone attractive if a conversation was completely awful. If you and your date have nothing in common, if they come across rude, or if they don’t share your same values, it’s definitely a turnoff, according to 85 percent of participants.
When it comes to planning a date, you can’t go wrong with suggesting drinks at a local bar or restaurant. And if everything is going well, don’t ruin it by doing something like checking your phone constantly, talking about your ex, or even going outside to take smoke breaks. The survey shows that these actions—especially ignoring your date in favor of texting your buddies—are seen as disruptive and distracting.
If the date went well, call your date to let them know you enjoyed it. More than 80 percent of singles surveyed agree that a phone call constitutes a conversation, and it’s another opportunity to impress them with your communication skills.

13 of the best things to do in Colombia

Tourism to Colombia has grown exponentially, with thousands more people flocking to the South American destination in recent years after decades of it being practically off limits thanks to a long, drawn-out civil war.

However, the number of tourists to Colombia is still relatively small compared with its more visited neighbors Peru and Ecuador.
There are still plenty of under-explored natural treasures to discover, from swimming among mangroves by starlight to spotting rare birds in the remote mountains. Colombians also know how to indulge, and a trip wouldn't be complete without heading to the best food, drink and dancing spots.
Here are 13 of the best things to do in Colombia when you travel here:
Coffee plantations
Colombia is famed for its coffee. Although in past years the country -- which is the world's third largest producer of the coffee -- used to export all the good stuff, recently Colombians have started keeping the best for themselves.
There's no better way to trace the legacy of Colombian coffee than by visiting a plantation. Travelers can hitch a ride in a traditional "Willy" car, an American car used in World War II that's now beloved by Colombians to cart things around.
From Salento, a small town deep in the country's Coffee Triangle, five kilometers of dusty tracks head up to Finca El Ocaso, where coffee experts will take visitors through the process from seed to coffee grinding, culminating in a lesson on how to make the perfect cup of coffee.
Don't forget to buy a bag to take home.
Horse riding at Cafetal de la Trinidad
Founded in 1906 and once a family-run coffee plantation, Cafetal de la Trinidad was abandoned for years due to occupation by the FARC guerrillas, who made it too dangerous for the family to return home.
Yet in recent years, the family's youngest son Alejandro and his partner Anna have lovingly restored the finca -- or farm -- to its full glory and are now opening it to visitors.
Just two hours out of Bogotá but worlds apart, visitors can make the most of the remote location, fresh air and breathtaking scenery by saddling up on one of the farm's beautiful horses and trekking across the stunning countryside.
Guests can even take a picnic and toast the beautiful sunset over the mountains as their horses patiently graze in the fields.
Swimming with bioluminescent plankton
If the crystal clear ocean wasn't beautiful enough already, visitors to Isla Múcura can take a nighttime dip among the coastal mangroves and watch as the pitch black water lights up with millions of blue-green plankton.
The tiny organisms produce light using a chemical called luciferin, and glow when they are moved. So it's possible to kick back and watch the stars while floating on the Caribbean Sea, or you can dip your head below the water and feel as if you're a character in "Avatar."
The ecologically-conscious Punta Faro hotel ferries guests to the mangroves via private boat, and returns them in time for a candlelit dinner.
Bandeja Paisa in Medellín
There is no meal more Colombian than the Bandeja Paisa: hearty, meaty and eye-poppingly huge.
And there is no better place than to eat Bandeja Paisa than in Medellín, the capital of Antioquia and home of the paisa -- the name for inhabitants of the Antioquia, Risaralda and Quindío regions.
The dish is usually served on an oval platter and consists of red beans cooked with pork, rice, carne molida -- ground meat -- chicharrón, fried egg, plantain, chorizo, arepa, hogao -- a thick tomato salsa -- black pudding and avocado.
At El Rancherito on Calle 18 in Medellín diners can gorge themselves for less than $10.
Scuba diving in Cartagena
Although Cartagena is best known for its old, walled city, winding cobbled streets and colorful balconies, the city also has a wealth of underwater treasures.
Boasting the Rosario Islands, a natural reserve comprised of 43 tropical islands, an underwater museum, coral reefs and shipwrecks, this stretch of the Caribbean Sea has plenty to discover.
Visitors can learn to dive at Paraiso Dive, a diving school located on Tierra Bomba island, just a short boat ride away from Cartagena. Swim in turquoise waters among shallow reefs, deep walls and sunken art, and learn about the company's efforts to help protect the surrounding reefs.
Birdwatching in Serranía del Perijá
Colombia is home to more than 1,900 bird species -- the highest number in the world.
The Perijá mountain range, which straddles the border of Venezuela and Colombia, is one of the best places to go birdwatching and is home to several endangered species that cannot be found anywhere else.
After years of being occupied by guerillas, the area is just opening up to visitors, with keen birders heading to Chamicero del Perijá Reserve. Nestled in the mountains, among Andean forests and Colombia's unique páramo system, an ecoystem only found in the northern Andes, the reserve is a two hour-long drive from the nearest village and has one of the best sunsets in the country.
Salsa dancing in Cali
Cali is the capital of salsa, where dancers take to the floor as early as the afternoon.
Although the dance has its origins among the Cuban population in New York City in the mid 1900s, it wasn't long before salsa reached Colombia. Cali decided to produce its own style of salsa, and the city has never looked back.
There are two types of dancers: the old school purists, who stick to the original footwork, and the younger crowd, who like to dance with flair and gymnastic-style lifts.
Sondeluz Academy, one of the most renowned salsa studios in Cali, specializes in one-on-one lessons. After mastering the basics, visitors can swing by Zaperoco, a famous salsa club packed with talented dancers and a live band on Thursday nights.
Whale watching
Every year between June and October, locals along the Colombian Pacific coast of Nuquí ready themselves to watch humpback whales migrate past their shores.
Located in the Gulf of Tribugá in the Chocó department, Nuquí is the perfect place to catch a glimpse of the mothers and their newborn calves, thanks to its warm waters, free of strong current, and little passing boat traffic.
El Cantil Ecolodge offers a whale watching package, taking its guests out to the bay in fiberglass boats, where the whales can be seen from around 200 meters away. The ecolodge is conscious about adhering to international practices and sticking to a respectful distance, although the whales often approach the boats on their own.
Hunting for a glimpse of 'pink' dolphins
Pink dolphins are often thought of as the stuff of myths, and although they're still a scientific enigma, they can be found in the Amazon River.
Guests staying at Calanoa Jungle Lodge, an eco-resort nestled in the Amazon Rainforest overlooking the great river, can go out in a private speedboat to try and catch a glimpse of the "botos", which can be pink or gray in color. They are the subjects of numerous legends -- such as that they turn into handsome men at night to seduce local women (a tale used to cover up unwanted pregnancies).
An amazing restaurant
Andrés Carne de Res is reason alone to take a trip to Colombia's capital Bogotá.
The 2.76 square mile restaurant boasts five kitchens, 11 dining areas, two dance floors and packs in thousands of people a night.
Although it's a 45-minute drive outside of the capital, it is the place to go in Bogotá and has fed the likes of the president, Shakira and the Red Hot Chili Peppers with its 64 page menu.
But the food, featuring traditional Colombian dishes such as chicharrón and patacón to steak and empanadas is just the half of it. After dinner, everyone takes to the dance floor, clutching aguardiente -- a traditional Colombian anise liquor -- and salsas the night away.
Lost City trekking
The Lost City is Colombia's answer to Machu Picchu -- just cheaper with fewer tourists.
It's also believed to have been founded some 650 years before Machu Picchu. An intense, two-and-a-half day trek will see you traverse waterfalls, natural pools and rivers on your way to the sacred place of the indigenous Tayrona tribes.
Led by indigenous Kogui guides, Colombian travel agency Expotur offers a four-day package, taking hikers through the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta jungle, and ascending 1,200 steps on the third day to reach the Ciudad Perdida. The beautiful ruins are full of relics and ancient carvings, and visitors can be regaled with ancestral tales before heading back to start their descent.
Stargazing in Tatacoa
Tatacoa may look like a desert, but it's in fact an ancient dry tropical forest. The environmental wonder sees astronomers from all over the world flock to the red Mars-esque landscapes to stargaze.
Thanks to its unique position, constellations of both the northern and southern hemispheres can be viewed, making for an awe-inspiring experience.
In fact, the stars are so captivating, one Colombian astronomer, Javier Fernando Rua Restrepo, camped out for two years before he found a place to live permanently. And he loved it so much he stayed and opened his own observatory, where he hosts a star party every July.
Crab-swerving in Providencia
For a few weeks every year, Providencia, an island closer to Nicaragua than Colombia, is occupied by the Colombian army, who fly in to protect the thousands of black crabs migrating to the sea.
Roads are closed and locals adopt a practice known as "crab-swerving" to avoid hitting the crustaceans, who are protected by local laws and environmental policies.
The crabs are a local delicacy, and provide many islanders with their sole income. Thanks to rising tourism in neighboring San Andres, crab numbers have declined, and so the army was brought in to ensure the migrating crabs had a safe passage down to the sea to lay their eggs.
And if you miss migration season -- when fishing, consuming and selling the crabs is banned -- you'll get a chance to taste one and see what all the fuss is about.

7 Ways to Last Longer In Bed

Thwart premature ejaculation with these pro tips for better sex and a stronger orgasm

You’ve tried crunching baseball stats. You’ve mentally replayed your last round of golf. You’ve outlined the steps to making your favorite sandwich. But the more you try to last longer in bed, the faster you finish—and you’re not alone.
“Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington.
Dr. Walsh says there are primarily two methods if you want to last longer in bed: physical and psychological treatments. While physical remedies target the sensations you feel during sex, psychological solutions address your worry, stress, or other mental factors that may explain your quick trigger, Dr. Walsh explains.
Just remember that duration isn’t the most important part of the formula for avoiding premature ejaculation and having great sex. (Neither are accessories, but these 30 Best Sex Toys can help you enjoy your time together.)
Here, Dr. Walsh and other experts break down a few of the most helpful techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE).
But be warned: Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them during sex.
1. Biofeedback
In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical sensations, Dr. Walsh explains.
While there are a lot of different types of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for avoiding premature ejaculation is to bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.
Also known as “edging”—one of the 5 Off-Beat Sex Trends to Try—practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D.
2. The Squeeze
If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says.
“This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds.
3. Ladies First
When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says.
4. De-Sensitizers
Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the needle, there are topical sprays called “local anesthetics” that you can apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and avoid premature ejaculation, Dr. Walsh says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds.
He says some of his patients have had luck with a product called Promescent. (Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this product.)
But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult for you to stay erect during sex, he says.
5. Condom Control
Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member during sex, Morse says, and these can help you avoid premature ejaculation.
Look for marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax” (Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom.
6. Pills
Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect for sex. And in Europe, there are also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says.
The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why?
“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains.
While you could take these drugs for “off-label” uses like the treatment of premature ejaculation, most of these meds are antidepressants that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss this option.
7. Ask an Expert
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr. Walsh says.
“A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.”
He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.
“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.”

5 Surprising Ways Dating Makes You Better at Life

Whether you like dating or not, it’s unavoidable if you want to find someone to be with. But, what if you didn’t look at dating as simply a way to find someone else? What if dating was also a way to find yourself? Let’s take a closer look at dating’s personal side—the side with important life lessons, and moments of self-discovery and personal growth.

Here are five personal benefits of dating, and how dating can help you grow in other areas of your life:
1. Dating Makes You a Better Conversationalist
Like interviewing, dating requires the ability to talk about yourself, ask and answer questions, listen intently, and hold a meaningful conversation with another person. The more you date or the longer you date one person, the better you’ll get at talking about yourself, and sharing your feelings, expectations, hopes for the future, opinions, and beliefs—and all while becoming a better and more thoughtful listener.
2. Dating Teaches You How to Get What You Want
Whether you go on a date with an attractive history buff or an arrogant techie, every date gives you insight into what you like and don’t like in another person. And often, you only come to learn what you want by figuring out what you don’t want. The more you date, the easier and clearer this becomes. This greater level of self-awareness also leads to greater self-confidence. Knowing what you want and being confident in who you are will not only help you with your dating life, but will help you in all areas of your life.
3. Dating Allows You to Experience New Things
Your dates will almost certainly have different interests and hobbies than you do—and that’s a good thing! This allows you to expand your horizons and be more adventurous. Take a salsa class with her; go on a ropes course with him—there’s always something new and fun to do when you’re dating. It’s also easier to try new things when you have someone by your side because you’re more likely to take chances when you’re with someone you like and trust.
4. Dating Teaches You How to Let Go
Letting go is a hard thing to do. If you learn to master it, it’s a powerful skill that will come in handy in all aspects of your life. You can’t attract something new when your energy is spent thinking about that past. All that “stuff” you’re holding on to can pull you down. Letting go of the past not only helps you live your best life now, but also paves the way for future success.
5. Dating Makes You Stronger and More Resilient
Besides heartbreak, rejection is probably the toughest part about dating. But, the more rejection you face, the more you’ll come to understand that it’s a natural part of life and dating. And, the more you grow to accept rejection, the easier it’ll be to face failure in all other parts of your life. It will make you stronger and better prepared for what life will throw at you in the future.
At the end of the day, your past relationships make you a better version of yourself. The next relationship will do the same. So, don’t be afraid of dating; embrace it.
There is no better time to embrace dating than right now—the weather is warm, there is an abundance of activities to participate in, and people are generally in a good mood. It’s the perfect time to put yourself out there and meet new people.

14 Foreplay Tips to Please Your Woman

Don’t use them all up in one night!

Guys often write off foreplay as wasted time, but that is likely to lead to frustration for you AND her. In fact, foreplay is a crucial prerequisite for her to enjoy a mind-blowing orgasm.
Read on for 14 imaginative ways to make foreplay fun for both of you.
1. Try this great warmup
The precoital massage: As a warmup to the main event, start by massaging the length of her legs, from her upper thighs down to her ankles.
Then focus on the feet, kneading her heels and all other points beneath. Then zero in on the toes and stretch them individually.
Of course, if her impeccable hygiene encourages you to suck her toes, you’ll have her in ecstasy.
2. Ask what turns her on
Come right out and ask what she likes during sex.
“Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied,” says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. “If she notices you’re working hard to please her, she’ll be more likely to return the favor.”
And tell us: Is there a better place to develop your work ethic?
3. Boost your foreplay quotient
Improve the quality of foreplay and she’ll never again bug you about the quantity.
“If you act as if you’re just going through the motions to get to the sex, she’s going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited,” says Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Encino, California.
So do what you want to do. If you like how her calves feel, stroke them. If you like her butt, kiss it.
“When a man is loving what he’s doing, it’s going to show through and turn her on, too,” says Perry.
4. Go easy
Yes, the clitoris is the obvious place to focus your attention. Still, many men do wrong by it.
“Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. “It’s much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it.”
When playing with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch’s advice is to “focus on the clitoris, then don’t focus on the clitoris. The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again.”
5. Drive her wild with the ‘figure 8’ technique
The figure-8 tongue technique: When you’re at her service down below, work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until the little button swells, then carefully expose the area with your fingers.
Use the slippery underside of your tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right. With the rougher top side of the tongue, flick from right to left and then up and down. Finally work up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue's smooth underside and firmer tip. Constantly vary the degrees of pressure you use.
6. Expand your repertoire
Expand your repertoire of oral sex with this method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She’ll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward.
7. A body part you shouldn’t neglect
Oft overlooked as mere roadblocks to the vagina, the labia are packed with nerve endings and are not to be ignored. Hold each one between your thumb and forefinger and massage it, working your way up and down.
Or, using all of your fingers and your palm, “smoosh” the labia together, almost like you’re (gently!) kneading dough.
8. Best position for hitting the G-spot
Most experts say that G-spot stimulation works best when you do it by hand, since it allows for more subtle manipulation. But that means less fun for you. To get at her G-spot during intercourse, enter her doggy-style from the rear.
“It’s the best angle for hitting the G-spot,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. Keep your hands on her hips and pull her towards you each time you thrust forward.
9. Get down and give me the sexual push up
There’s a reason girls swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack.
Sexual push-ups are a great way to flex your abs for her: Assume the standard pushup position you’d use if you were working out. Then have your partner slide underneath you. This variation on the man-on-top position works extremely well for guys with flat stomachs, says sex expert Michael Perry, Ph.D.
“You should have your arms down along her sides, and thrust with your shoulders as well as your abdominals,” he says.
10. Try the ‘X’ position
Women like a guy with strong arms. Emphasize yours by using the “X” position.
Sit facing your partner, legs apart. As you enter her, have her straddle your hips with her legs. Both you and your partner should then reach backward with your arms, placing them about shoulder width apart.
Keep your arms straight, and lean back onto them, so that you arch your back and slightly raise your pelvis (together, your bodies will form the shape of an X). Once you’re in position, lean back on your arms and rock your pelvis to create a strong, thrusting motion.
11. A trick for lasting longer
If you’re worried about getting off too early, try becoming more aware of your pre-orgasmic sensations.
Most men only recognize that last, no-turning-back feeling, that occurs just before ejaculation, says David Copeland, of the How to Succeed with Women website. By then it’s too late to do anything about it.
Try to become familiar with the two or three more subtle sensations that precede that one, so that you can slow down at the right time.
12. Kissing keeps her going
You’re close, really close, but you’re forgetting what got you here in the first place.
“Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing,” says Britton. “If you get the sense that she’s starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it.”
Just remember that passionate kissing doesn’t always mean frantically swabbing out her tonsils. Try to mix up your tongue play with the occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.
13. Another good trick for lasting longer
To her, 14 minutes feels like been there, done that.” Time to be the man of the hour.
Rock and roll. Before you get too close to the 14-minute mark, penetrate her as deeply as you can and then stop thrusting. Now press your pelvic bone against hers and start shifting up and down in a kind of rocking motion.
It won’t be as stimulating for you, so you'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for her,” says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University.
14. Reward her bravery
When she initiates the action, make an extra effort to please her sexually and to let her know how much you approve. Tell her you loved her initiation. Sometimes women wonder if you’re going to perceive initiation as negative or if it might make you uncomfortable.

6 Tips for Successful Dating in the Digital Age

Technology has exploded our dating options and put dating effectively on amphetamines. The sheer quantity of choices gives us the feeling that we can and will meet someone through technology. How could we not?

And yet, precisely because there is so much choice, we often don’t give the person we’ve met a real chance. If anything isn’t to our immediate liking, we dive back into our device, back into the land of possibility. Sometimes we do this even when we like the person we’ve met, because we can, and there still could be someone better.
Technology creates a climate of always chasing better—something else.
Rather than focusing on the relationship in front of us—giving it our full attention, we look outside for what we might be missing out on. Consequently, it can feel like no one is ever good enough to stop searching for better. As a result, relationships that, before technology, might have turned into successful partnerships, never get the chance. It was difficult enough for a relationship to get out of the starting gate before technology, but now, despite or maybe because of all the possibilities, it can feel nearly impossible. There’s more potential but the potential remains unrealized.
These days, when a relationship does start, the primary form of communication is often texting. This can create a host of challenges that didn’t exist before technology. When we begin dating, we don’t know someone well and yet we text as if we do, sometimes communicating dozens of times in a day, sharing banter, minutia, and whatever else comes to mind. We communicate as if we are integrated players in each other’s lives, which we are not, at least not yet. So too, we now text with a flirtatious confidence, sometimes sexual, that does not match the actual level of intimacy we’ve achieved. Then, when we meet our person in the flesh or even on the phone, we have to play a game of emotional catch up, to try and bring the real relationship into sync with the virtual. We feel embarrassed and awkward, overexposed. We are building a relationship between two avatars, but not these two humans. But we can’t turn back, we’ve gone too far down the virtual road, and so are frequently left to continue in the virtual relationship, or nothing at all.
Dating in the age of technology presents challenges that can be difficult even for the most confident of daters. It is now possible to know if and when someone has read our text, which means that if our recipient has indeed read our words but not responded, or chosen not to read it at all, to leave it in the dreaded unopened, we are forced into the often unkind and frequently brutal hands of our inner dating critic.
With the help of modern technology, we are left to live a good portion of our dating life inside the maze of our own personal narrative. While we naturally craft our own story about what is happening within the relationship, technology exacerbates the storyteller within us by providing just enough information to send our mind into a tailspin, but not enough to set us free.
Technology is remarkable for many tasks, but if what we really want is to find meaningful connection with another human being, then technology is probably not the right means to achieve that end. Online dating allows us to meet people we would never get to meet, it provides options and inventory, but after we meet, we still have to be willing to do the real life work that real life relationships require. If we’re over the age of three, getting close to another person takes time and effort, but when we put in that time and effort, the infinitely possible can become infinitely real.
Tips for successful dating in the age of technology:
When beginning a new relationship, Do NOT use texting as your means of communication. Use it only as a last resort, for example, when running late for a date. Make an explicit agreement with your partner to communicate by telephone first, and email as a second option. (Or better yet, stop by in the flesh.)
When beginning a new relationship, REFRAIN from surfing the online dating world (chasing the better) until you are sure that the new person you are considering is not going to be your person. Give each person you date your full attention, one at a time.
When on a date, DO NOT keep your phone on the table or hold it in your hand.
When on a date, DO NOT check your dating profile.
CONTEMPLATE the following questions: Am I using my virtual dating life to avoid something in my real life? Is dating another distraction that keeps me from dealing with areas of my life or myself that need my attention? Do I really want a real relationship and if so, am I willing to do the work to create it?
RECOGNIZE that real relationships (with humans, not robots) take effort and time, are not easy and never without discomfort. REMIND yourself, when confronted with these challenges, that this is precisely the work that real relationships require, where the seeds are watered so that something worthwhile can bloom! Finally, honor yourself for putting in the effort to achieve something you desire.

Which country has the best food?

We love to write about food. We love to celebrate the good stuff and lambaste the bad. This is our take on some of the best food cultures, but of course it's subjective. It's time to find out once and for all, which cuisine is king.

1. Italy
Italian food has enslaved tastebuds around the globe for centuries, with its zesty tomato sauces, those clever things they do with wheat flour and desserts that are basically vehicles for cream. It's all so simple. Get some noodles, get some olive oil, get some garlic, maybe a tomato or a slice of bacon. Bam, you have a party on a plate. And it is all so easy to cook and eat. From the cheesy risottos to the crisp fried meats, Italian cuisine is a compendium of crowd-pleasing comfort food. Many people have welcomed it into their homes, especially novice cooks. Therein lies the real genius -- Italian food has become everyman's food.
Yum
Ragu alla bolognese (spaghetti bolognaise) -- the world's go-to "can't decide what to have" food.
Pizza -- mind-bogglingly simple yet satisfying dish. Staple diet of bachelors and college students.
Italian-style salami -- second only to cigarettes as a source of addiction.
Coffee -- cappuccino is for breakfast? Forget it. We want it all day and all night.
Dumb
Buffalo mozzarella -- those balls of spongy, off-white, subtly flavored cheeses of water buffalo milk. The flavor's so subtle you have to imagine it.
2. China
The people who greet each other with "Have you eaten yet?" are arguably the most food-obsessed in the world. Food has been a form of escapism for the Chinese throughout its tumultuous history. The Chinese entrepreneurial spirit and appreciation for the finer points of frugality -- the folks are cheap, crafty and food-crazed -- results in one of the bravest tribes of eaters in the world. But the Chinese don't just cook and sell anything, they also make it taste great. China is the place to go to get food shock a dozen times a day. "You can eat that?" will become the intrepid food traveler's daily refrain. China's regional cuisines are so varied it's hard to believe they're from the same nation. It's not a food culture you can easily summarize, except to say you'll invariably want seconds.
Yum
Sweet and sour pork -- a guilty pleasure that has taken on different forms.
Dim sum -- a grand tradition from Hong Kong to New York.
Roast suckling pig and Peking duck -- wonders of different styles of ovens adopted by Chinese chefs.
Xiaolongbao -- incredible soup-filled surprises. How do they get that dumpling skin to hold all that hot broth?
Dumb
Shark's fin soup -- rallying for Chinese restaurants to ban the dish has been a pet issue of green campaigners in recent years.
3. France
If you're one of those people who doesn't like to eat because "there's more to life than food" -- visit Paris. It's a city notorious for its curmudgeonly denizens, but they all believe in the importance of good food. Two-hour lunch breaks for three-course meals are de rigeur. Entire two-week vacations are centered on exploring combinations of wines and cheeses around the country. Down-to-earth cooking will surprise those who thought of the French as the world's food snobs (it is the birthplace of the Michelin Guide after all). Cassoulet, pot au feu, steak frites are revelatory when had in the right bistro.
Yum
Escargot -- credit the French for turning slimey, garden-dwelling pests into a delicacy. Massive respect for making them taste amazing too.
Macarons -- like unicorn food. In fact anything from a patisserie in France seems to have been conjured out of sugar, fairy dust and the dinner wishes of little girls.
Baguette -- the first and last thing that you'll want to eat in France. The first bite is transformational; the last will be full of longing.
Dumb
Foie gras -- it tastes like 10,000 ducks roasted in butter then reduced to a velvet pudding, but some animal advocates decry the cruelty of force-feeding fowl to fatten their livers.
4. Spain
Let's eat and drink, then sleep, then work for two hours, then eat and drink. Viva Espana, that country whose hedonistic food culture we all secretly wish was our own. All that bar-hopping and tapas-eating, the minimal working, the 9 p.m. dinners, the endless porron challenges -- this is a culture based on, around and sometimes even inside food. The Spaniards gourmandize the way they flamenco dance, with unbridled passion. They munch on snacks throughout the day with intervals of big meals. From the fruits of the Mediterranean Sea to the spoils of the Pyrenees, from the saffron and cumin notes of the Moors to the insane molecular experiments of Ferran Adria, Spanish food is timeless yet avant garde.
Yum
Jamon Iberico -- a whole cured ham hock usually carved by clamping it down in a wooden stand like some medieval ritual.
Churros -- the world's best version of sweet fried dough.
Dumb
Gazpacho -- it's refreshing and all, but it's basically liquid salad.
5. Japan
Japanese apply the same precision to their food as they do to their engineering. This is the place that spawned tyrannical sushi masters and ramen bullies who make their staff and customers tremble with a glare. You can get a lavish multi-course kaiseki meal that presents the seasons in a spread of visual and culinary poetry. Or grab a seat at a revolving sushi conveyor for a solo feast. Or pick up something random and previously unknown in your gastronomic lexicon from the refrigerated shelves of a convenience store. It's impossible to eat badly in Japan.
Yum
Miso soup -- showcases some of the fundamental flavors of Japanese food, simple and wholesome.
Sushi and sashimi -- who knew that raw fish on rice could become so popular?
Tempura -- the perfection of deep-frying. Never greasy, the batter is thin and light like a crisp tissue.
Dumb
Fugu -- is anything really that delicious that it's worth risking your life to eat? The poisonous blowfish recently killed diners in Egypt, but is becoming more available in Japan.
6. India
When a cuisine uses spices in such abundance that the meat and vegetables seem like an afterthought, you know you're dealing with cooks dedicated to flavor. There are no rules for spice usage as long as it results in something delicious. The same spice can add zest to savory and sweet dishes, or can sometimes be eaten on its own -- fennel seed is enjoyed as a breath-freshening digestive aid at the end of meals. And any country that manages to make vegetarian food taste consistently great certainly deserves some kind of Nobel prize. The regional varieties are vast. There's Goa's seafood, there's the wazwan of Kashmir and there's the coconutty richness of Kerala.
Yum
Dal -- India has managed to make boiled lentils exciting.
Dosa -- a pancake filled with anything from cheese to spicy vegetables, perfect for lunch or dinner.
Chai -- not everyone likes coffee and not everyone likes plain tea, but it's hard to resist chai.
Dumb
Balti chicken -- an invention for the British palate, should probably have died out with colonialism.
7. Greece
Traveling and eating in Greece feels like a glossy magazine spread come to life, but without the Photoshopping. Like the blue seas and white buildings, the kalamata olives, feta cheese, the colorful salads and roast meats are all postcard perfect by default. The secret? Lashings of glistening olive oil. Gift of the gods, olive oil is arguably Greece's greatest export, influencing the way people around the world think about food and nutritional health. Eating in Greece is also a way of consuming history. A bite of dolma or a slurp of lentil soup gives a small taste of life in ancient Greece, when they were invented.
Yum
Olive oil -- drizzled on other food, or soaked up by bread, is almost as varied as wine in its flavors.
Spanakopita -- makes spinach palatable with its feta cheese mixture and flaky pastry cover.
Gyros -- late-night drunk eating wouldn't be the same without the pita bread sandwich of roast meat and tzatziki.
Dumb
Lachanorizo -- basically cabbage and onion cooked to death then mixed with rice. Filling, but one-dimensional.
8. Thailand
Street eats are a Thai attraction. Flip through a Thai cook book and you'll be hard pressed to find an ingredient list that doesn't run a page long. The combination of so many herbs and spices in each dish produces complex flavors that somehow come together like orchestral music. Thais fit spicy, sour, salty, sweet, chewy, crunchy and slippery into one dish. With influences from China, Malaysia, Indonesia, Myanmar and a royal culinary tradition, Thai cuisine is the best of many worlds. The best part about eating Thai food in Thailand though is the hospitality. Sun, beach, service with a smile and a plastic bag full of som tam -- that's the good life.
Yum
Tom yam kung -- a rave party for the mouth. The floral notes of lemongrass, the earthy galangal, freshness of kaffir lime leaves and the heat of the chilies.
Massaman curry -- a Thai curry with Islamic roots. Topped our list of the world's 50 most delicious foods.
Som tam -- the popular green papaya salad is sour, extra spicy, sweet and salty. It's the best of Thai tastes.
Dumb
Pla som -- a fermented fish eaten uncooked is popular in Lawa, Thailand and reported to be responsible for bile duct cancer.
9. Mexico
If you were only allowed to eat one type of food for the rest of your life, it would be smart to make it Mexican. The cuisine of the Mesoamerican country has a little bit of everything -- you'll never get bored. Amongst the enchiladas and the tacos and the helados and the quesadillas you'll find the zestiness of Greek salads and the richness of an Indian curry; the heat of Thai food and the use-your-hands snackiness of tapas. It is also central station for nutritional superfoods. All that avocado, tomato, lime and garlic with beans and chocolates and chilies to boot, is rich with antioxidants and good healthful things. It doesn't taste healthy though. It tastes like a fiesta in your mouth.
Yum
Mole -- ancient sauce made of chili peppers, spices, chocolate and magic incantations.
Tacos al pastor -- the spit-roast pork taco, a blend of the pre- and post-Colombian.
Tamales -- an ancient Mayan food of masa cooked in a leaf wrapping.
Dumb
Tostadas -- basically the same as a taco or burrito but served in a crispy fried tortilla which breaks into pieces as soon as you bite into it. Impossible to eat.
10. United States
This may be because most of the popular American foods originate in some other country. The pizza slice is Italian. Fries are Belgium or Dutch. Hamburgers and frankfurters? Likely German. But in the kitchens of the United States, they have been improved and added to, to become global icons for food lovers everywhere. Don't neglect the homegrown dishes either. There's the traditional stuff like clam chowder, key lime pie and Cobb salad, and most importantly the locavore movement of modern American food started by Alice Waters. This promotion of eco-awareness in food culture is carried on today by Michelle Obama.
Yum
Cheeseburger -- a perfect example of making good things greater.
Chocolate chip cookie -- the world would be a little less habitable without this Americana classic.
Dumb
All overly processed foods such as Twinkies, Hostess cakes and KFC.

The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Naked Woman

Consider this your crash course in aural arousal

Your words can be a powerful aphrodisiac for your partner—a way to tap into her desire, any time of day.
And there are some that work for almost every woman out there: “Words that help her feel wanted, desired, and sexy are going to usually universally trigger women,” says Jaiya, a sex educator and author of Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: A Kinky Guide to the Best Sex Ever. “They go from their ears down to their genitals,” she says.
Ready to memorize her sexual dictionary? Read on to start learning her language.
1. “YES.”
Most women don’t want a yes man—i.e., a pushover—but they do love a guy who knows what he wants.
“We’re attracted to men who are certain and decisive,” says DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach. “When a man speaks like that—‘yes’ or ‘absolutely’—it shows that certainty.”
It also says you’re a guy who’s willing to do what makes her happy, including in the bedroom: “If she lets out a moan and you say, ‘yes,’ it gives her permission to go even deeper into her pleasure,” says Jaiya. “It helps her let go.”
2. “JESSICA.”
No, don’t call every woman Jessica. But yell (or whisper) your partner’s name when you’re in the throes of passion.
“Female pleasure is narcissistic,” says Jaiya. “Hearing her name makes her feel special. It’s about her, like, you’re the irresistible one. You’re the one with the magic hoo-hoo. It’s not about someone random.”
In other words, tacking on her name is a dynamite way to reassure her that she prompted your pleasure, not some fantasy woman in your head.
3. “LOVE.”
“I love you” isn’t the only way to drop the “L” word—simply saying you love a specific part of her body will effortlessly ignite her desire.
“The connotation of ‘love’ is intense and special,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Philadelphia and author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy. “’I like the way you look’ is lukewarm, but ‘I love the way you look’ sounds very positive and passionate.”
4. “TIGHT.”
There is no-fail way to use this word in reference to her vagina.
It is especially powerful in the sack, because “every woman wants to feel like she’s virgin-esque to her man,” explains Lorraine. “It’s assurance that she’s making her man feel good and he’s aroused.”
Read: You’re not only complimenting the youthfulness of her body—you’re also letting her know that she’s playing a potent role in your pleasure. “Actually describe to her how good she feels inside,” suggests Jaiya.
5. “WET.”
Whereas everyone can see your erection, only you can detect her lubrication. “That’s a very intimate thing—you’re both in on the secret, that she’s turned on by you,” says Lorraine.
Even referencing her wetness before she’s fully aroused can help produce the desired response: “The brain sometimes doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t,” says Jaiya. “When you tell a woman, ‘You’re getting so wet,’ her body will respond.”
6. “YOU.”
Emphasize the woman—not the act. If you say, “You really turn me on,” you’re giving props specifically to your partner, says Goldman, but if you say, “I’m really turned on,” you’re just focusing on your own sexual experience.
“She wants to know that there’s something about her that is arousing to you,” Goldman explains. Or as Jaiya puts it, “Tell her how she’s affecting you. That lets a woman know she is desired.”
7. “COCK.”
During couples counseling sessions, Jaiya reads off a list of erotic words, and asks the woman to raise her hand with one in particular that arouses her. What she consistently finds: Females choose “cock” over “penis,” “prick,” or “dick.”
“Dick is more derogatory, like, ‘He’s a dick,’ or it’s a joke word,” she says. “But cock is very strong and masculine.”
To preserve its erotic power, avoid using “cock” in everyday chit-chat with your partner—save it for your most intimate moments, Lorraine advises. That way, “it’s a little taboo and X-rated,” she says.
8. “HOT POCKET.”
No, the microwaveable dinners aren’t the new aphrodisiac—this is a slang term for her vagina, and oddly enough, women love it. When Jaiya does the sexual trigger words exercise with couples, “almost everyone will raise their hands on hot pocket,” she says.
Lesson learned: “If your woman has a sense of humor, don’t be afraid of funny words.” Coining sexual catchphrases that make you laugh can actually be an act of intimacy—a shared joke that only the two of you are in on, says Jaiya.
9. “NEED.”
In case you haven’t watched Fifty Shades of Grey, let us catch you up: Women want to be wanted—and they don’t want you to be shy about it.
“We want to know you’re going crazy for us,” says Lorraine.
So start verbalizing your desire by saying, “I need you so bad.” Hint: Save this one for times when you’re mutually starved for sex, like when you’ve been away on a business trip. That way, your desire doesn’t feel like a demand.
10. “COME.”
It’s perhaps the only word that simultaneously conveys desire, pleasure, orgasm, and loss of control, according to a recent paper in Sexuality & Culture. And that’s exactly why it’s so packed with erotic potential.
But before you spout off, “I want to make you come,” make sure you’ve actually done so in the past—otherwise the word may just make her feel pressured to perform, says Lorraine. (Likewise, if your partner is rarely able to climax, this shouldn’t be your go-to line.)
You can even try a little reverse psychology: “Play with orgasm control, like ‘You’re not allowed to come,’” says Jaiya. “Playing with that word within a power dynamic can be really hot.”

Your Preferred Style Of Kissing Can Reveal A Lot About Your Relationship

The way you kiss your partner can reveal a lot of things about your relationship. You can deny all you want but according to Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of the book The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us, there is a logical explanation as to why we kiss and how it can be telling about our personalities and relationships with other people.

“A kiss really works as nature’s litmus test. It tells us whether we decide to pursue a relationship. This brief kiss is about seeing if there is a spark that might lead to more advanced types of kissing.”
The book lays down the most common kissing styles, with Kirshenbaum presenting insights about what your relationship and personality.
“The Gentle Kiss is one that is all about anticipation. Each person very lightly kisses the other on the lips, not applying very much pressure at all.”
Kissing on the cheek shows that there is a sign of fondness or a show of politeness when you kiss your partner on the cheek. Basically it says ‘I like you’ to the person on the receiving end of the kiss. Romantic feelings may still be present, but one can tell that true friendship is present between the two of you.
“The Angel Kiss is about protection and a sense of security. One person lightly kisses the other on the eyelid while they are sleeping, as a reminder that someone is watching over them.”
For couples who just recently got together, this could be taken as a sign that you are not yet comfortable with each other. Long time couples, however, who engage in the ‘Closed Mouth Kiss’ can indicate signs of “emotional walls” between the two of you. While a kiss is not the sole indicator of the state of your relationship, it can be one of the main reasons why you are happy or unhappy with your partner.
The “Sloppy Kiss” is a kiss that is charged with passion and intimacy. That pretty much sums up the kind of relationship you have with your partner as well. According to Kirshenbaum, “Men tend to express a preference for wet, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses”.

6 Signs She’s Interested In You

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Your Cell Phone Addiction Could Be Killing Your Relationship

New research confirms that your partner hates it when you can’t put your damn phone away. Here’s how to break the habit

Your relationship with your phone could have serious consequences for your actual relationship, a new University of Arizona study suggests.
The researchers surveyed people about their significant others’ smartphone habits. No surprise here: People whose partners were habitually glued to their iPhones were less happy with their relationships, the researchers found.
It’s easy to get hooked on your smartphone. Checking your notifications eases loneliness, boredom, and fear of missing out, says study author Matthew Lapierre, Ph.D.
But using your smartphone all the time may isolate you from your partner and make her feel like she has to compete for your attention, the researchers say.
How do you know if your iPhone habit is actually an addiction?
A telltale sign, Lapierre says, is that you keep scrolling even when you know you should put your phone down. Like when you’re driving, having dinner with your family, or having sex—a recent Harris Interactive survey finds that one in 10 people are guilty of that last one.
Another bad omen: You feel irritable or panicky when your phone dies or isn’t with you, says Edward Hallowell, M.D., a Boston-based psychiatrist and author of Delivered From Distraction.
If that sounds familiar, wean yourself off your phone by designating some data-free time each day, says Dr. Hallowell.
That could mean you turn it off between 9 a.m. and noon at work or during a given activity, like a date or a workout. And of course, every time you get behind the wheel.
Leave it out of sight—in your gym bag, your desk drawer, or your glove box—during these periods. The extra step of getting your phone out and turning it on can help you stop and reconsider whether you really need to use it, he says.
If you can get used to spending an hour at the gym without checking your notifications, you may be able to get through dinner or sex without reaching for your phone. And your partner will definitely appreciate that.

Why 5 Women Cheated On Their Husbands—and How to Avoid the Same Fate

If your relationship is teetering, it might not take much to push her into another bed

The Ashley Madison hack last summer gave men a false sense of security. Once the curtain was pulled back, it very much appeared that millions of men were chasing, like, one willing woman.
How so?
The hack exposed millions of email addresses, most of which reportedly belonged to men.
And the hot women they were anxiously chatting with? Many may have been fictional personas created by the company.
(According to the British tabloid Daily Mail, 40,000 women on the site shared the same six email addresses. Ashley Madison denied the claim.)
But don’t let your guard down.
Of course women cheat—19 percent of them, says Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher. They just may not cheat for the same reasons you do. And they’re not dumb enough to put personal info on the world’s largest cheating website.
If your relationship is already faltering, here are five reasons she could end up in another man’s bed.
Why She Cheats: Her Age
Marsha, a paralegal in Boston, was everything a man could want in a wife: She was beautiful, intelligent, and funny, not to mention limber because of her devotion to yoga.
But then, as her 40th birthday drew near, she slept with her instructor.
“She felt her looks were fading,” says marriage therapist Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D. “The affair made her feel more desirable.”
Yes, fine, but every year millions of people get older without getting busy with the teacher after yoga class. So why is Marsha any different?
One theory: A 2014 study suggests we subconsciously attach significance to “nine-ender” years.
When we’re a year away from the odometer rolling over, we become more aware of the passage of time and youth, and we may do stupid things because we think the clock is running out.
What to Do About It
Fill up your calendar. Reflecting on what we have or haven’t achieved over the past decade can lead to bleak thoughts, says quality-of-life researcher Michael Steger, Ph.D.
So, be the man who makes things happen.
“If travel is important, you might plan a birthday trip that satisfies shared goals—like Hawaii if you’ve both wanted to try hiking a volcano.”
Bonus: When her mind’s on molten lava, the last thing she’ll be thinking about is her yoga instructor.
Why She Cheats: The Money
Emily, 35, had every reason to be furious with her husband. After she’d made a few too many purchases on her debit card, he cut up the plastic in front of her in a humiliating power play.
“I had to tell him where I was going and he would give me a spending limit,” she says.
The nice way to describe this: He was trying his best to keep the budget in check—and stepped about five miles over the line.
Problem is, exerting too much financial control, especially when you do it like a condescending jerk, breeds major-league resentment and can push your partner to seek payback, Hokemeyer says.
And that’s exactly what Emily did.
“A few months after that incident,” she says, “I slept with my high school boyfriend.”
What to Do About It
Don’t seize control or point fingers.
Instead, share the financial responsibility by using a budgeting app like Mint, which notifies both of you as spending limits draw near.
This way you’re both accountable for the money going into and coming out of your account.
Why She Cheats: She’s Expecting a Prince
You would hope your wife understands that perfect men don’t exist.
But then there’s “Kyle.”
He writes poems and sends flowers, and he seems so sensitive.
Guys like Kyle make women like Sarah, a 30-year-old dentist in North Carolina, second-guess their marriages.
When people expect perfection in a partner, it usually sets them up for long-term disappointment. That nugget of obvious wisdom came from a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
“He made my husband pale in comparison,” Sarah says. “I slept with him because I was convinced he could fill the voids in my life.”
Well, Kyle filled at least one of those voids, and shortly thereafter, Sarah and her husband landed in divorce court.
What to Do About It
You can’t be everything she wants, and you have to be okay with that—and so does she.
But you can become a little better than you are.
The next time you two are squabbling, try this trick: “Fights tend to take place in the past or in the present,” says Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing.
So switch to future tense instead.
“If you’re fighting about who makes dinner, say, ‘I’ll set up a cooking schedule if you’ll agree to eat eggs for dinner,’” he says.
You’ll never be Prince Charming, but at least you’re offering to cook the occasional omelet.
Why She Cheats: She Wants to Be Bad
When her marriage began to fray, Ali, a 25-year-old marketing assistant, found herself in bed with the kind of roughneck guy she’d always avoided.
“When I met him, it seemed inevitable that we’d have sex,” she says.
Whaaaat? Why do smart women consider jumping into bed with knuckle-dragging thugs? Researchers call this phenomenon the “ovulatory shift hypothesis.”
During peak fertility—when ovaries are primed to do the dirty mambo—a rational woman may find herself attracted to men she’d be terrified to see in a dark alley, says Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., the author of an upcoming book on dating and relationships.
It’s not necessarily her fault; it’s our old-school survival instincts.
Masculine genes increase the chances that kids will have a sturdy constitution to survive.
Worse, Mehta says, research shows that her impulse to stray becomes even stronger if you’re less physically attractive by conventional standards.
What to Do About It
Appeal to a more evolved instinct: her brain.
Strength isn’t just about brawn. Demonstrate that you’re educated, successful, self-reliant, and commitment-oriented.
Mehta suggests finding more modern ways to display your plumage. Try sharing experiences that show your strengths—the theater, a museum, a trail hike.
She might think twice about putting her relationship at further risk with a one-night stand.
Why She Cheats: She Just Wants More
Who doesn’t want to be the guy who can’t go out in public without his wife leaning over and whispering, “I’m not wearing panties. Let’s go see if we can find an empty closet.”
But sometimes, in the real world, crazy sex isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.
That’s how the trouble began for Lisa, a 31-year-old saleswoman. She wanted sex every night and her boyfriend didn’t.
“He only gave it to me once a week. What’d he expect?” she says of her stepping out.
Well, for starters, that you wouldn’t cheat on him. But when sexual expectations don’t match, it can quickly lead to trouble.
What to Do About It
The two biggest reasons women cheat, says sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., are that they feel undesired or unattractive, especially as they become older.
Sex is one way to fix it, but another is to appreciate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.
Don’t insult her with meaningless compliments. Listen to her and validate who she really is.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Dating a Coworker

Read this before you make a move

When you’re sitting in a cubicle or working the register next to an attractive person all day, every day, it’s almost inevitable that sparks will fly. Not everyone will act on it, but the thought of romancing a hottie at work has probably passed through nearly every employee’s mind.
That’s a relatively normal scenario—people have even coined the term “work husband/wife” to describe the pseudo-romantic friendships that develop in the office. But actually acting on your feelings can be a tricky and somewhat risky situation, personally and professionally.
Still, “bonding over commonalities, whether they’re work-related or cheering for the same sports teams, can be a catalyst to a friendship that sparks into a romantic relationship,” says Michele Kerulis, a clinical therapist, dating and relationships expert, and faculty member of Counseling@Northwestern at Northwestern University. If you’re deciding whether to give it a shot with that cute coworker, ask yourself these questions first before you make a move.
1
If you’re always in the same meetings, working on the same presentations, or commiserating over the same workplace gripes, it’s not difficult to develop a flirty relationship with a coworker. “People can become attracted to each other in the workplace when they see coworkers successfully completing tasks, especially when that task takes a high level of skill,” Kerulis explains.
But there’s a way to tell the difference: When you have just a physical attraction, you think about that person (maybe a lot) when you’re together. However, if you think about the other person often when you are *not* together, you likely have developed an emotional connection, Kerulis says.
2
Because of the aforementioned “rose-colored glasses” you may wear at work, it’s probably a good idea to take a step back and make sure you like this person for who they really are—gold stars and awesome sales number aside.
The good news? Chances are you have seen that person in their natural, authentic state, says dating coach and matchmaker Bonnie Winston—since you’ve seen how they act as they handle pressure, deadlines, and responsibilities. What happens under those fluorescent office lights makes it a lot easier to see someone clearly than when the lights are dim over a glass of wine.
3
This one may be a given, but it’s important to be aware of your HR policy regarding relationships at work, Kerulis points out. Many workplaces advise employees against engaging in romantic relationships with people they supervise, for example.
Law firms are also typically against interoffice relationships, Winston says. If you’re not sure, consult your employee handbook or ask an HR representative. You don’t want a potential encounter to get either one of you in a sticky situation with your company.
4
If entering a relationship might affect your or the other person’s ability to gain respect at work, you may need to re-think it.
“Some co-workers might view the personal relationship in a negative light, which could impact their professional opinion of you,” Kerulis says.
5
If you decide to go for it, be sure to discuss boundaries, Kerulis suggests. Remember, even though it’s a personal relationship, it shouldn’t affect your professional relationship, or your productivity and decision-making at work.
“Set boundaries around discussing personal matters when you are at work and do the same for discussing work issues while at home,” she suggests. Plus, setting these types of healthy boundaries will help you to maintain a good work-life balance as well.

7 Mistakes You're Making in Your Dating Profile

Fix these, and you may get fewer left swipes

We get it—finding love on an online dating site is hard. The algorithms are unreliable. Your matches may be looking for something different than you are.
But there are certain things you can control to up your chances of scoring a date, and it could be as easy as tweaking a line on your profile page. A recent reddit thread garnered thousands of comments when it asked: "What dating profile phrase immediately loses you?"
Here are some of the dating profile mistakes that turned people off the most. If you're currently using any of these, it could be the reason your Tinder profile isn't getting as many right swipes as you think it should. Thankfully, they're easy to fix.
POSTING GROUP PICTURES WITH DOZENS OF OTHER PEOPLE
From JellyfishMermaid: “Not a phrase, but dating profile pictures. When there's multiple people in a photo—like family pictures are okay, but I don't want to try to pick you out from your 30 fraternity brothers. Also tongue sticking out/flipping off the camera. Never 'nope' so fast until I see those.”
SAYING YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO KNOWS "HOW TO TAKE A JOKE"
From dtmfadvice: “A friend of mine rejects anyone who says that partners ‘must know how to take a joke’ or some variation on that, because it's a sign their sense of humor is obnoxious or cruel. Maybe their ex couldn't take a joke. But probably they aren't funny and got angry when someone told them to quit being a prick.”
FINDING ROUNDABOUT WAYS TO BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF
From biogirl52: “‘Just a normal, every day gentleman’ Photos of him on a jet ski with a super model. He didn't have a chance with me.”
MENTIONING ANYTHING ABOUT SARCASM
From haelesor: “Any mention of being ‘sarcastic’. 99/100 these guys are just assholes who don't want to be called out on it and try to use ‘I'm sarcastic’ as a get out of trouble free card. Most wouldn't know genuine sarcasm if it bit them on the ass.”
BEING CRYPTIC ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS
From Catty_Pake: “‘Done with drama’ or ‘Not into girls who play games’. You're most likely still bitter about how women have treated you in the past. I'm not going to work extra hard to prove myself to you or deal with a guy who is already leaning towards thinking I'm another shit girlfriend.”
WRITING A BASIC STATEMENT THAT LITERALLY ANYONE COULD AGREE WITH
From mallgothic: “‘I love to listen to music.’ You and every other human being on the planet. iI you can't think of even a broad category of music you prefer over others, then what does that say about how interesting you are? I'd rather someone say they like industrial noise remixed with one direction's best hits and cats meowing than just ‘music’.”
LEAVING YOUR BIO BLANK—OR NOT EVEN ATTEMPTING TO WRITE A DECENT ONE
From accidental_superman: “‘Dating profiles are so hard to write.’ That's all they write. Yes they are but you don't get to play till you do your work.”